#Cornerstone of recovery how to

When you decide to say “no,” what will you say “yes” to? And if you say “yes,” what will you say “no” to?.

What are the biggest challenges you anticipate when setting boundaries? How will you deal with these?.

Where do you most need to set boundaries with yourself?.

Who do you most need to set boundaries with?.

You can start by asking and answering a few key questions, like: Recognising what your personal boundaries are and honoring these can help you identify which relationships are toxic, and which are positive.īecause people often completely lose touch with their boundaries during addiction (and may have struggled with them prior to their dependency as well), you will likely need some time to get acquainted with what they are. During your addiction, you may have formed unhealthy relationships with others, whether they be people who have enabled your addiction in some way, or people who have blamed or disparaged you for it. Finding this tenderness with yourself allows you to be fully aware of your actions and positively affected by them, rather than stymied by guilt or self-loathing.Īssessing the relationships you have with others is an important part of recovery. What if you decided to extend the same kindness and compassion towards yourself that you do to others? Mistakes are a natural and important part of personal growth as a person, and offering yourself forgiveness when you make them can dramatically impact your recovery. Being Gentle With Yourselfĭo you find that you have an arsenal of explanations for other people’s behaviour, but are intensely critical of your own slightest misstep? We are often our own harshest judges, internally castigating ourselves for things that we would overlook or dismiss in others. Acknowledge to yourself when you’ve done something that is good, have improved, or are working towards a goal. Sit with your emotions, explore where they are coming from, and remind yourself that this process is an important part of regaining your health. When you’re sad or exhausted or irritated, give yourself the space to feel your feelings and validate them. This means being conscious of what you are feeling, and taking time for reflection on what you have done. We must learn to appreciate and recognise our own efforts, thoughts, and actions.

Even if we are lauded by those we care about, or masses of adoring strangers, it will never be enough if we cannot also validate ourselves. This is because self-validation is irreplaceable in our measure of self-worth. However, no matter how we devote ourselves to others, when we rely on external validation to determine how we value ourselves, we will always fall short. We often also seek validation through our work, to the point where we may be completely unable to separate our worth from our ability to produce or be of service to others. It’s the latter that has been monetised in recent years through social media, with likes, comments, shares, and subscribes feeding into our need for external recognition. The quality of this validation is important, such as when it comes from someone we admire or respect, as is the quantity, like when we are broadly or often praised. Many of us rely on external validation for that boost to our confidence and self-worth. While these things may be part of cultivating self-love, the real work is far more comprehensive, involving physical and emotional practices that help develop a genuine appreciation and respect for oneself. The term “self-love” might invoke images of a day at the spa and positive affirmations repeated in the mirror.

#Cornerstone of recovery how to

No matter what the source, learning how to love and accept yourself is a foundational element for a lasting recovery. For some, a lack of self-love may have fueled the addiction in the first place, while for others the addiction itself may be the reason they are now doubting their self-worth. Many people struggle with low self-esteem in recovery. In some ways, the biggest obstacle between you and your long-term recovery…is you. You doubt yourself, are intensely critical of everything you do, and feel deep shame about your past. But somehow, your thoughts and inner narrative keep dragging you back. You know that life can be more than your addiction, and you want nothing more than to move forward. You have started recovery with high hopes for a better future. This is why taking time to learn to love yourself is so important for long-term healing. Finding early recovery to be a difficult, even painful period? Many people enter recovery with a low sense of self-esteem that becomes more apparent to them without the numbing effects of drugs or alcohol.